I realize one of my big problems.  I keep asking for one more.  I am not asking any particular person but myself.  Just one more minute of sleep in the morning.  Just one game of Starcarft II before bed.  Just one more caffeinated soda.  Just one more episode of ‘Family Guy’, ‘the Simpsons’, ‘Mad Men’, or ‘The Big Bang Theory’ before I get to work on my blog, or my books, or Android apps.  I beg and plead to myself to please do not be productive, but do this that or another life numbing activity.  And I am always too nice to myself!

I came to the realization yesterday (or was it the day before) when I had resolved to catch up on my blog, and I didn’t cause I had “free time” and I choose to relax and watch a show, or play a game…that if I keep asking for one more of whatever it is that is eating up my time, that I will be later asking for just one more month to get caught up on the rent, just one more minute to breath as I go from my second job to my third.  Just one more year to have my kids at home to get to know them better.  I would end up pleading for just one more dollar an hour so that I can break even, or I just need one more loan or credit card.

My mind thinks in extremes as you may have read in the Cognitive Distortions post, but you know what I am trying to say.  And the biggest problem is not just the one more, but the one more after that, and after that and so on.  I will sit down and tell myself, “I will play one game of Starcraft II”  Then I lose…well I can’t get back to work on a losing note, so I play one more, then I lose again, so I play one more.  Then I win! Victory! So I got to play once or twice more since I am such a good computer gamer… You see the spiral that I am in and you are in it too.  If you are honest with yourself there is something that you will ask for just one more before you get back to work, before you will change you life, before you will read your scriptures, before you will eliminate you debt…before you can play with your kids or do something for your spouse.

I can only attempt to put to words the pre-cognitive melancholy that I feel about this topic.  Just think of the time that you said, “just one more…” and you look up from your computer game at 2 am, and you were exhausted the next day, and then you get home and just can’t or won’t deal with anything that needs to be done!

I am not on the terrible end of this spectrum, but I have my days, and if I am not careful it turns into a week and rebounding back to normal life (the good normal where you are happy and hopeful) is just that much harder.

My goal for the rest of April is to not ask for one more.  But that I will reward myself with whatever tv show or game AFTER I have done what I needed to do.  After all you get paid AFTER you work, you take home a product AFTER you have purchased it.  That is the biggest problem today, where we enjoy what we have not earned.